


let's light the planet

by orphan_account



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, College, F/F, F/M, Hospitals, Josh Lives, M/M, Multi, bc yeah????? duh, idk what this is?, life - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-29
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2020-02-09 16:27:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18641791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A year later, some things improved.Keyword: some





	let's light the planet

**Author's Note:**

> after the mountain. featuring awkward dialogue because i am tired. /sparkles/
> 
> also sorry for any lines that might not make sense, or inaccuracies !!

 

_ ♫ Blue moon you saw me standing alone ♫ _

__

Josh wakes in the white bed. His eyes draw over to his clock. 6:05 AM. He shifts with a groan, pulling up his covers. But the alarm beeped, and beeped and beeped before Josh lost his patience with it and sat up fiercely. His roommate was still asleep, back facing him. Derek didn't do much, he's very silent. 

Josh has a very hurting sore in his neck, probably because they only give him one goddamn pillow. He did ask for another one, but it's never been delivered. Maybe Dr. Hill said no. Which... why? Josh was literally always complaining about this damn crook in his neck, he thought they'd do something about it. But no.

He hunches over, like an ancient sumo wrestler had been sitting on his shoulders for eternity. He stiffens when he remembers the dream he had. Of Hannah, not human, bones cracking, and mouth splitting open as she begs, and begs for him to save her. Then, her face morphs, skin drawing back tightly, her bones now sharp and angled. Her eyes no longer a youthful brown, her skin isn't tan, it's pale and veiny.

Josh shudders. He'd have to make a mental note to tell Dr. Hill later. He looks at the clock again, it stopped beeping. An hour till morning checkups, an hour till the tech guy bangs on his and Derek's door with that obnoxious voice of his. Josh couldn't go a day without mentioning how annoying his voice was. It sounded like a goddamn alarm, all nasally and all around irritating to listen to. Of course, he mentioned this to Dr. Hill, who replies with, "don't think too much on his voice". 

But now, Josh thinks he should sleep more, he's got an hour to spare. He lays on his side, facing the bland walls as he's drawn into a blissful sleep, he hopes. He doesn't want another nightmare.

"Wake up, you two! 30 minutes till breakfast! Wakey wakey, come on!" Josh loudly groans at the tech's voice. He grinds out an, "Ok!" to make him go away. Josh is surprised when it's already 7:00 because he was in a sleep for like 3 milliseconds, it felt like. Derek groans too, and drags his body out of bed to go brush his teeth. Josh always went second, and when Derek comes out, he opens their door and exits.

Josh sighs, tiredly trudging out of bed to do the same as Derek. He slips on a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt that was four times too big, makes his bed and leaves the room. 

He hated being here. Hated it. He also hated the fact that the one thing he resorted to when tackling his grief, was a prank. A mean, traumatizing prank, that also affected him in the process. Sometimes during the night, he'd see pigs. Gutted, hanging from the ceiling, dripping blood that Josh swore was still there the next morning. Hannah'd look at him from the corner, eyes glowing. Beth's head would roll in sometimes, right next to his bedside table. She'd grin, she'd frown, she'd cry, and when she did, she looked like those sad drama masks, her mouth shaped like an upside down crescent moon.

Josh would get coffee, if it wasn't water. Literally water, because it had the aroma of coffee, it just didn't embody the spirit of coffee. Yeah, it looked like coffee, steamy and rich, but it was straight up Fiji water. So Josh avoids coffee today. 

So it's time for breakfast, on those dreaded Mondays. Today, they served waffles. Which was the only good thing about Monday, really. Friday was the best because pancakes. And Josh would be lying if he said their pancakes weren't tasty. 

But of course, it isn't a Monday without depressing thoughts. The voices coming back in tiny whispers, sometimes sounding like Hannah and Beth. Sometimes like Sam, Chris or Ashley. Even the filtered voice of the Psycho. Or better known as, Josh. He'd hear Mike, his accusing voice.  _ I saw what he did to her! This, this is her blood, _ his voice would echo. 

Josh's eyes are downcast, trained on the tiles. He doesn't want to think about it. He couldn't  _ stop _ thinking about it. Remembering the tight grip he had on the syringe, even though he hates syringes. Hurting his friends, Sam, Chris, Ash. He's sure that, during visiting hours, he'd see no one. And could he blame them?

* * *

Sam sits down, catching her breath. She can't even do a fucking interview right anymore. This weird boss, he'd always subtly compliment her 'beautiful blue eyes' and her 'gorgeous blonde hair'. And because of her on edge behavior, he didn't hire her. And she's 100% okay with that. He's a fucking creep anyway. 

Her phone vibrates in her pocket, Jess texted her.

**jess:** is thy down for coffee? 

**sam:** with whom?

**jess:** me, em, matt, mike, u know

**sam:** sure, where?

**jess** : down the street from ur apartment complex

**jess:** G and B, hunny

Sam closes her phone with a small smile. She grabs her stuff and heads out of the office building. And life seemed normal. For once. She can't really take baths anymore, but besides that everything's peachy. Just fucking peachy.

"Sammy Whammy!" Mike hoots when she approaches their table. She smiles, bowing a little. She sits down next to Ashley, who is pressed close to Chris. Emily's surprisingly not donning a resting bitch face, she looks pretty happy, even though Matt, Jessica and Mike are squeezed in the other booth chair. 

"How are you guys? It's been a while." Sam asks, tapping her fingertips against marble.

"By a while, you mean like a month?" Emily says.

"Sure."

Emily sighs. "College has been kicking my ass, but I've been dealing." she replies, eyes averting because it's obvious she's avoiding the topic about the mountain. 

"So, are we just going to avoid it?" Ash blurts, but she clearly regrets it 'cause she slaps a hand onto her mouth, and her green eyes go to her lap. 

Jessica stiffens, grabbing Mike's hand from under the table. Sam bites the inside of her cheek. Yes, yes, this would obviously be mentioned at some point. 

"If you guys want to." she says quietly. "It's fine." her tone is tight, and she's not smiling anymore.

Chris makes a sound, and he's on his phone. It kinda sounds like a quick, "what?!" and he tells Ash to scoot over so he can be beside Sam. "We need to talk." he says, gripping his phone tightly.

* * *

Josh has group therapy next at 8:30. It's grueling. He hates sharing his feelings. In general. But to 8 or more people? Too much. He can't really make an excuse, so he just decides to 'suck it up' and go. He tries to keep things vague, not talk as much, because he's not in the mood for that. And each time in therapy, someone always cries or whines or gets angry. Like, really angry. Like, standing up and pacing angry.

He needs to stop. Needs to stop thinking about the friends who don't care for him anymore (his fault, right?). His best friend of 12 years hates him, Sam hates him, Mike for sure hates him, no doubt about that. Emily's difficult to read, but he can determine that she probably hates him too. 

At 9:10 or so, it's time for therapy with Dr. Hill! The greatest. It'd be a good T.V show, kind of like those ones where you call the number on the screen and he gives you spiritual advice or something. 

"Good morning, Joshua. Sleep well?" Dr. Hill asks, clicking open a pen.

"Not really, no." he says.

"And why is that?"

"Nightmares. Hannah, Beth." his gaze wanders. From out the big window, he focuses on the green leaves of the trees gust in the wind, birds chirp and fly by. Looking at the normal houses that probably housed normal people. And here he was. Not so normal, housed in a not so normal facility.

"From your last session, you said you never wanted to go into detail, is that the case today?"

"No." Josh says, because maybe it'll be good for him or something.

"Then go ahead and tell me how you think last night went, your dreams."

"I was in the mine. And I saw it. It. Hannah, but I don't know if I can call it Hannah anymore. And I can't stop thinking about my friends. What I did."

Dr. Hill is writing down seemingly a lot of things, probably everything he said. 

Josh sighs. "I just want to leave."

"Eventually, Joshua, it is important that you recover."

"How long? How long will I stay here?"

"I've discussed with the board," Dr. Hill clears his throat. "on the admission status. Currently you're an inpatient. You have been showing miraculous spikes of recovery, Josh. You've been responding well to medication so far. Speaking of, have you had any moments where you felt," he searches for the next sentences, "as if your medication  _ hasn't _ been effective?"

Josh shrugs. "I dunno. Sometimes I do hear them. Sometimes I don't. When I'm alone, I hear it clearly. Not even like,  _ alone _ alone. I could be in a room full of people, just sitting by myself, and still hear it."

"And what do you hear?"

"I hear them. My sisters, my friends."

Josh shifts in the seat, hands going under his elbows. "But, mostly, things have been okay? I guess? Nightmares are still pretty bad though. They always have been, even before Hannah and..." he trails off, feeling sick.

"Interesting." Dr. Hill writes onto his notepad.

"I saw you." Josh says.

"When? Back on the mountain?"

"Yeah. You were like, scolding me or whatever. And-and I knew it wasn't you. But it felt real." Josh's voice starts to get panicky, taken back to that awful break he had in the mines.

"Joshua, there's no need to be afraid anymore. What happened on the mountain was not real, even though, like you said, it felt like it. You need to tell yourself, that nothing like that will repeat itself. I'd recommend coming up with a pattern of anything, when you catch yourself slipping."

"Like a number pattern?"

"It could certainly help. And Joshua, have you had any urges to hurt yourself?" he asks, after flipping through a page on his notepad.

"No, not as bad as it was in high school." Josh recounts.

"Has your mood been okay?" Dr. Hill writes as he asks. 

"Yeah, for the most part. I get some spouts of depression, but I try to," he motions with his hands, "move around a bit, I guess."

"Good exercise. It's good to tell yourself, or even show yourself, that you can be better than what's holding you back."

* * *

"What? What is it, Chris?" Sam asks when Chris takes her near the bathrooms. He swallows hard.

"Okay, Josh's mom had texted me, and you know he was hospitalized, right? You know this?"

"Uh yeah."

"Well, he has visiting hours today. 4:00 PM."

"Are you asking if I want to visit him?" Sam crosses her arms with slowness. 

"If you want. Only if you want." Chris says, and he seems anxious, a bit happy. Sam chews on her lip. She doesn't know. Like genuinely. She still hadn't figured out her feelings, what to feel towards Josh. She knew that he struggled, knew that there was a deeper problem than just a psychotic break that night. But she can't excuse what he did nor can she properly forgive him.

"I don't know, Chris. I really don't." Her shoulders sag, and she holds her arms. Sam sighs. "Are you going to?"

"I have to." is what he replies with, quietly, looking at Melinda's text message.

"Alright. Tell me how it goes, okay?" she touches his arm, as her left is tucked under her right arm.  Chris smiles at her.

* * *

He's gonna cry. He is going to cry. He is crying. Josh holds his head in his hands, shoulders shaking because why is Chris, of all people, coming back to see him? Why? After that night of pure torture? He tries to focus on the T.V playing, but it's just static.

He wants to reach for him, but at the same time, he doesn't. 

"You're here." he sobs.

**Author's Note:**

> gonnacrytilicantnomore


End file.
